I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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