Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize