When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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