Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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