haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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