I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
