Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You need Xanax blowdarts
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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