I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
