Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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