Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
