I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
