Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I don't think brook has ever known best
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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