dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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