he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
