someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
