can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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