Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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