You can't motorboat a personality
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
