So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Dear god my vagina.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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