and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
