we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
