Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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