she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i think i have herpe
just one?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
