my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
