I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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