Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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