If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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