I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
