Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
