Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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