Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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