he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize