Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
