happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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