i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
