I'm going to rape someone's good day.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
