oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
