one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
