Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize