i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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