you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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