what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
