You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
