Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
