Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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