I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
