you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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