life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
