Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize