He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I'm having to shit out rocks
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
