i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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