Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
