I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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