That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
