Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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