HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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