I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
