just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
