I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
