Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
