My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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