I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
