I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
How's work?
Spinning.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
