Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
