i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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