He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
