When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize