I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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