i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Michael Bay diarrhea
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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