Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
