i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
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