Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
