So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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