Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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