My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
